Antonio Jacob Solis-Berger <3

‘Hey Stephen’

Gratuitous Taylor Swift song…if you knew the week I’ve had…

Giving people who you don’t want to talk to a reason to talk to you since the advent of texting. 

And I dream about you almost every night.

And I think I want to bring you coffee, just the way you like it, every single day…indefinitely. 

• I could deal with the fact that you weren’t a night owl like me. I couldn’t deal with tantrums a four-year-old would envy because you were tired.
• You never let anyone comfort you. It was like you weren’t allowed to need help, ever.
• Waiting for you to answer me on the phone for more than a minute is the single most annoying thing I’ve ever had to do…and ad nauseam at that. 
• You didn’t like to read. 
• I don’t think you even know how to communicate with people in your life. I thought by being a communication major I would be able to help you and also be the yin to your yang. I suppose that part’s my fault for being so stupid.
• Was it too much to ask to return just ONE letter? I must have wrote you a dozen.
• I never cared that you had one, but why did you have to lie to me about it?
• We watched the Daytona 500 for eight hours. On Valentine’s Day. 
• You couldn’t be troubled to get back to New York for our six year anniversary, even though you could have.
• And I can handle that you hurt me. I get that. I accept that. But you hurt my family too; a lot of people who really, really cared about you. You broke their hearts, too. And that’s not okay. 

• You didn’t believe me, or even care, when I told you. 
• You didn’t value a woman’s opinion as much as a man’s. 
• Bob Dylan is many things. “Annoying” is not one of them. 
• You did nothing but complain about my family gatherings and pout while attending them, when I tolerated yours with a smile.
• There was never “too” masculine. This translated to no emotions, other than jealousy, anger, and a desire to produce. 
• You cannot make your own gravy from scratch with no spices and Bisquick for flour. Duh.
• The Phantom of the Opera is now completely ruined for me. Thanks. 
• You acted physically invincible; even to the point of being obnoxious.
• Your sister is a mean, jealous, presumptuous shrew.
• Now, every time I hear “Baby, it’s Cold Outside” on the radio, I have to stifle the urge to vomit, have diarrhea and start sobbing. And it’s Christmas time.  

• It was okay for you to drink until you couldn’t see straight, but if I had two beers it was unacceptable.
• You didn’t even keep the 11x14” sketch I made of us. It took me months.
• You never sent me a card on my birthday.
• I had to drag you to see my baby nephew, even when you knew how important he was to me.
• You didn’t want to dance with me at prom.
• You refused to shower with me.
• You wouldn’t smile in pictures, no matter how much I wanted you to.
• You cared more about cars than me. 
• You are perfectly fine with never traveling outside the United States. 
• Not once, during the six years we were together, did you say, “You look beautiful.”

• You wouldn’t cuddle while we slept.
• You hated Simon and Garfunkel.
• You acted like potheads were the world’s worst criminals.
• Your backrubs sucked; I thought my shoulder blades would dislocate.
• You never stood up to your family when they put me down.
• You couldn’t manage money worth a damn.
• You hated learning about history or going to museums.
• You didn’t appreciate anything I made, including the song I wrote for you.
• You thought most of my stories were dumb.
• You never did learn how to say you’re wrong, or how to say you’re sorry.

Ann M. Martin, Judy Blume and American Girl magazine should have prepared me for that. 

Is a boy

who thinks it’s nice to sleep on a trampoline

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